I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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