Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
