apparently the secret to your success is patron
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
