He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
