I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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