His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
