just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
