I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
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