Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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