I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
