Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I need a beard to bite.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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