well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
We just shotgunned beers for America
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
