You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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