He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
