yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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