so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
