I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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