We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Randomize
