Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
