We're like a lot better than the average bears
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
