Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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