I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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