the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
