Who wears a wallet chain?!
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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