It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
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