does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
