I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
