Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
