You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
