First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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