i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
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