we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Randomize
