Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
