I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
