why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
