they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
My bed smells like the plague
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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