i would punch a child for taco bell
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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