On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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