Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
