im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
So vagazzling was a success
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
