Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
