It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
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