your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
