he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
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