I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
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