i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I just found puke in my bra..
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
