Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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