Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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