mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
