her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
