i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
