hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
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