Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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