should my penis look like a turkey
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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