My Higher Power is John Stamos
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
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