normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
