if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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