dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
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