I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
